Looking Forward to Looking Back

So many days and so many nights. I can't quite remember so I might as well write. 
Countdown is over. Don't bother waiting, life has always been like this. There is only harm in hating. 
Remember all those days hesitating? When is the right time? What a useless idea. 
Remember when we used to say, there is never enough time? What a construct. 
The hours are still the same. My monkey mind, playing the same games. 
Turn up-si-down and hang.  
Everything is still there, flipped perspective. 
Today, tomorrow, what's your objective?  

5/19 at 23:05, Oregon.

Almost a month has past since we would have left for Mexico. The boarder remains closed. On 4/20 A drove me to have my right hand x-rayed. I bruised my scaphoid bone, got a brace and an order to rest. It’s just my right hand, man.

7/2 at 10:05, Oregon.

Fast forward to today and could July be any more strange? I hardly adjusted to half the year being over in June. I know the days are over when I got to say, “looking forward to looking back.” The times are changing and I am wondering what will make my stomach drop next. What will it be: BLM, abolish the police, pandemic built in a petri dish? Something else?

I miss the days when I could walk out my apartment door in Brooklyn and go anywhere. Last December I went to Coney Island, just to check it out. Looking back on the past just doesn’t feel real. Problems were different, life was funny. Can’t get Lou Reed’s Coney Island Steeplechase out of my head, it’d be so nice like summer with ice.

This summer the ice caps are melting, the rivers run dry and I don’t even know if I should celebrate the Fourth of July.